Saturday, May 22, 2010

Life . . . and death

Okay, I’ve been trying not to dwell on this and have been pushing it aside since yesterday afternoon when my sister called. The call itself  isn’t unusual and I don’t mind since I often get calls from one of my sisters (some more than others). Unfortunately, she wasn’t calling with good news and this is the real reason I wanted to veg out in front of the TV instead of write yesterday. =(

My grandmother (on my mother’s side). . . the only grandparent I have left . . . had a sudden decline in health yesterday. She’s ninety and suffering from Alzheimer's so it’s not a huge surprise, but it doesn’t make it any easier. She’s not expected to make it through the weekend. =(

I was going to Snowflake later today to take a puppy to its new owner, but now I worry I won’t get there before Grandma passes. I can’t leave early because hubby and son are out working and we were all going to go together.

Times like this remind me how fleeting this life is. Ninety years is a long time, but it seems like only yesterday we were little kids running through grandma’s huge garden (the corn fields were our favorite) and having her yell at us to get out before we ruined the corn. LOL She’d let us run through them after the harvest, but it was so hard to wait. ;-)

Grandma taught me how to grow a garden (even though I’m not as good at it as she was), can fruits and vegetables, pickle cucumbers, make jams and jellies, freeze corn, and appreciate the beauty of nature. Thoughts of her have been particularly strong lately as my mother has decided to grow a garden this year, and I’ve been helping when I can. Granted, Mom’s garden isn’t as huge as Grandma’s was, but still, it brings back memories. =)

Those memories will never die even when Grandma does. I know I shouldn’t let it hit me so hard. With the Alzheimer’s, she’s no longer the grandma I used to know anyway, and this passing will be a blessing to her.

Her mind went a long time ago and it’s only her physical body left. But, as long as her physical body held out, she was still here, you know? Then again, Grandma is stubborn and she might fight through and hold on for a few more days . . . who knows? But it would really be better if she didn’t have to suffer long.

Anyway, I’m not sure how much writing I’ll be able to do today. I’ve been trying, and I want to, but the worry about Grandma keeps intruding. I’ve been trying to use my writing to distract myself until hubby and son come home from work . . . but maybe I’ll just go soak in the tub and cry for a while instead.

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