Hmm . . .

I composed a poem about the holiday season but since I'm not much of a poet, I decided not to post it.

After this post, I am heading for the shower and then going into town for what I hope will be my last bit of shopping before Christmas. I have to purchase gifts for our oldest child, E, who never did tell me definitively what he wanted. So, I'm going to buy him something I think he may like . . . a video game, or a gift card, or something really lame that he will open Christmas morning and pretend to like.

We tried to get him his learner's permit yesterday, but, because I'm a terrible mother, I never got his name changed on his Social Security card after hubby adopted him. So poor E was not able to get his permit . . . but he was great about it and will wait impatiently for us to get the Government straightened out. ;-) Seriously, he was disappointed, but understanding about the whole thing and now I REALLY want to get him something good for Christmas, but he doesn't really "want" anything. *sigh*

I also woke up with a bit of a cold this morning (or maybe it's lack of sleep since my mind raced through a to do list all night) so my brain feels all fuzzy, my nose is slightly stuffy, and I'm tired. But I have to get the shopping done, not only for E's presents and the stocking stuffers, but also, the stores will be closed on Christmas Day and I think we ought to have some food in the house in case we get hungry and maybe want to eat something besides candy and oranges from the stockings. Oh, and the geckos need crickets to eat so I need to visit the pet store, too.

But I have to remember what Christmas is truly about and find joy and the spirit of the season (which was also touched on in the poem I'm not posting). I get too caught up in the pressure of trying to keep the whole Santa illusion alive for my kids (all but the oldest) until it becomes a burden and I forget I am doing this to make them happy. And I want them to be happy because I love them.

I need to remember I don't HAVE to do any of the things I do this time of year, and start WANTING to do them out of love. So I will get a shower because I don't want to offend my community. Then I will go shopping because I love my oldest son and want him to be happy, because I love my children and want them to be able to hold on to the magic of Santa a while longer, because the geckos are hungry and I love them, too, and because I want to make my traditional cheese balls for my friends and neighbors.

Write on.